your firsts

you never forget your firsts...

the first kiss from the sweet lips of your very first real REAL boyfriend (age 13)

the first time you experienced the exhilaration that is hooking school (age 14)

the first time you used a fake ID to hit up a club. rip avalon. the place had no ac. it was disgusting and sweaty. i still remember brushing up against one of the walls and feeling the fascinating sensation of something that can only be described as slime. it was unpretentious and had no velvet rope complex- hence every weekend was something of a cretin/douchebag convention. however. it was the first place chill enough (some would say criminal, i say chill.) to let a 17 year girl who looked 12 get in with a bad ID. and for that, avalon you will always have a place in my heart. (age 17)

the first time you got piss drunk, vomited all over yourself and fell asleep in a pile of your own retching. (age 18)

the first time you realize that dressing up like a slut is fun, yay! (age 19)

the first time a lesbian offered to give you a mindblowing orgasm in the bathroom (age 20)


the first time you realize that dressing up like a slut is well.. slutty. you like to keep your slut tendencies discreet. (age 21)

the first time you realize you might possibly not want kids (age 22)

the first time you read twilight. (age 25.5)

the first time you broke your louboutin cherry. in fact, u slut u went off and brought 3 pairs! magenta horatios, tortoise prive, and black leather criss cross <3 momma loves you! (age 26)

and

the latest FIRST to be added to this monumental list.

the first wrinkle. 'nuff said. all is lost. (age 27)

Grub Street Workshop 1a

I realize i forgot the most important moment during my grub street workshop.
per our instructor, we had to go around the table and introduce ourselves.

so off the round table it went:
one was a teacher's assistant for english at an university
one taught french creative writing @ harvard university
one went to harvard divinity school
one went to MIT
one was a grad student/scientist

and there i was... the random blip on the screen.
so i started off by telling everyone my name. and then my occupation.
"i work in finance. doing analyst work @ jpmorgan. it's not the most funnest job but it pays the bills"
alas.
i caught myself too late. those words did indeed pass these lips of mine.
i had uttered 'most funnest'.
yes. most funnest. bastard child of Bad Grammar!
finer artists (pronunced arteeste) have died a more noble death by words.
it is the most amateur grammatical faux pas to ever be uttered in that room, im sure.
polite smiles all around.
i was branded before it began... i am the workshop's official street urchin from da streets.
while everyone was listing their favorite authors, (a myriad of unheard of authors whom everyone was nodding in affirmation at, the only name i recall is toni morrison), i listed nick hornby and dave eggers as my favorites.
so i didnt fit in.
but you know, maybe a younger more immature me would have lied and tried to bluster myself up to something im not. but at this point in my life, i dont care- i will occupy whatever ragamuffin title they give me with confidence. this world would be too boring if everyone was the same. i can be the eclectic yet adorable step daughter of the group. klutzy, delightfully in tap with popular culture. not quite an intellect but i make up for it in charm.

signing off:
the riff raff. much love. <3